Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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