What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
