I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
