There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
