you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
