I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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