I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
