He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
