cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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