Please, let me fuck your mom
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.