I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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