I wish I could punch you in the face.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.