You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
