I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT