Texts From Last Night

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  (757): View more from Virginia

  Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd

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  (757): Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd http://tfl.nu/vlap
  Replies (6) Good night (902) Bad night (659)
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  (619): View more from California

  i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.

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  (619): i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus. http://tfl.nu/t4dv
  Replies (20) Good night (8261) Bad night (922)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.

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  (904): Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened. http://tfl.nu/0eyi
  Replies (10) Good night (1009) Bad night (5339)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep

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  (303): I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep http://tfl.nu/pnlq
  Replies (21) Good night (1436) Bad night (4811)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.

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  (973): composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals. http://tfl.nu/kw2o
  Replies (13) Good night (5366) Bad night (996)
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  (912): View more from Georgia

  He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.

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  (912): He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again. http://tfl.nu/ik4l
  Replies (25) Good night (1384) Bad night (3017)
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth

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  (705): I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth http://tfl.nu/7ynn
  Replies (12) Good night (1953) Bad night (722)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.

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  (248): We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh. http://tfl.nu/c1tt
  Replies (7) Good night (1455) Bad night (625)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?

  (1-309): View more from Illinois

  I decided to mark my territory.

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  (309): Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket? (1-309): I decided to mark my territory. http://tfl.nu/6hzp
  Replies (2) Good night (871) Bad night (1122)
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  (424): View more from California

  Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?

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  (424): Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo? http://tfl.nu/93zn
  Replies (24) Good night (1191) Bad night (503)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.

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  (+44): Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life. http://tfl.nu/3wcp
  Replies (4) Good night (1171) Bad night (688)
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  (716): View more from New York

  I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.

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  (716): I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender. http://tfl.nu/johq
  Replies (1) Good night (484) Bad night (297)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...

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  (603): I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked... http://tfl.nu/22n2
  Replies (4) Good night (387) Bad night (734)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.

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  (804): I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center. http://tfl.nu/60kx
  Replies (1) Good night (705) Bad night (222)
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  (858): View more from California

  Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.

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  (858): Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke. http://tfl.nu/9t6d
  Replies (2) Good night (628) Bad night (303)

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