i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
