In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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