i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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