but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
