dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
You can't motorboat a personality
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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