I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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