Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
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