come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
