I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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