I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
