New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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