alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
