let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
