I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
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I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
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No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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