It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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