thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
