The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
