i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
