do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
