i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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