Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
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