I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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