You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
