You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
We left an ass print on the piano.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
