And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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