so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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