I feel like abortions should bother me more
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
