I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
