chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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