I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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