i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Girls should come with a carfax report
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
