So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
