If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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