My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
