the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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