So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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