Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
