is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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