We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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