mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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