Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
