You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
