I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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