I think I won the penis lottery.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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