we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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