i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
