thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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