Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
