It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
