so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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