Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
