I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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