You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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