I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
