I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
