Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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