Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
