So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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