I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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