I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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