Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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