So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Boobs speak an international language.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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